I had one false start on a monologue with more unfortunately true stories of shit-hole drivers in asstown, I mean Stamford. But it wasn't quite working for me so I just imagined the eventual 6 actors as cars...
Here it is. I hope it make a modicum of sense and is also somewhat entertaining.
-VD
Road Rage
by Vanessa David
©2012
SETTING: The roads of Stamford, CT.
AT RISE: CAR #1 is
trying to make a right turn. ALL the other cars go quickly by. CAR #1 finally is able to
make the turn. CAR #2 is back and wants
to make a left, he pushes his way in front of CAR #1.
CAR
#1
I have the right of way, you know.
CAR
#2
Go fuck yourself!
CAR #2 cuts her off and makes his turn.
CAR
#1
Good morning to you, too, asshole.
CAR # 1 exits. CAR #3 enters by CAR #4. CAR
#3 isn’t feeling so well, she slowly
comes to a stop right where she is. CAR #4 starts yelling.
CAR
#4
For christssakes, GO! Come on! BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEPPPP!
CAR
#3
Go around me!
CAR
#4
What?
CAR
#3
GO AROUND ME!
CAR #4 looks to go around her on the right.
ALL the other cars come quickly
and don’t let him through. As he tries for the other side all the cars then come from that
direction. This can happen a few times.
CAR
#4
FUCK!
CAR
#3
GO AROUND ME!
CAR
#4
Fuck you! Finally!
CAR #4 finally exits and CAR #1 pulls up t o
CAR #3, blocking everyone behind
them.
CAR
#1
Diane? Is that you?
CAR
#3
Sherri? Oh my goodness, how are you?
CAR
#1
I’m good, Junior just started school so I’m looking forward
to having some time to myself.
CAR
#2
BEEEEPPP!!!
CAR
#5
Are you fucking kidding me? BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!!
CAR
#6
Oh good, I have time to text.
CAR #6 slows to a crawl to text. CAR #1 is
inching away.
CAR
#1
And I don’t know what to believe. Here I’ve got two OBGYN’s
telling me two different things. So I really don’t know what to do. But I’ll
call you. We’ll set up a lunch date.
CARS
#2&5
BEEEEEEEPPP!!!!
CAR #6 rear ends CAR #5
who rear ends CAR #2
ALL
THREE
FUCK!
CAR
#1
Oh, was that an accident back there? People don’t know how
to drive, I swear. Bye!
CAR
#3
Bye!
CAR
#5
You were texting!
CAR
#6
No, I wasn’t.
CAR
#5
PEOPLE DIE FROM THAT SHIT!
CAR
#6
You didn’t die!
CAR
#5
No, but I’m gonna fuckin kill you!
CAR #5 beats the shit out of CAR #6.
CAR
#2
See what you started?
CAR
#3
Me? I broke down, it’s not my fault.
CAR
#2
You shoulda pulled over!
CAR
#3
I couldn’t the guy behind me was following too close!
CAR
#2
SO ?
CAR #1 comes back from the opposite
direction.
CAR
#1
I forgot where I was going so I’m going home to see if I
remember.
CAR
#3
Good seeing you!
CAR #4 comes up behind the pulling into her
driveway way too slowly CAR
#1.
CAR
#4
What the fuck is wrong with people?
CAR
#2
Are you the one who caused the accident?
CAR
#4
Me? No!
CAR
#3
You were following me too close!
CAR #5 is just about done beating up CAR #6
CAR
#6
That’ll teach you to do not drive like a dick. Who’s next?
CARS #2, 3 and 4 point to each other.
BLACKOUT
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